Rules For Online Dating

DATING IS DIFFERENT Recognize that this activity is not like other Internet communication you may enjoy with family, friends, co-workers, or the ThirdAge community where you are a member--and you are known. If you're "dating," you're more vulnerable.

PROTECT YOUR IDENTITY If you want total control of the information available to an online other, don't use your personal or your work-related email. (Chances are good that a Web search engine has linked your email address to your real name.)

LEARN THE TECHNOLOGY Use the kinds of Web technology that enable private communication without divulging your email. ThirdAge offers private chat rooms, for instance, and they're very user friendly.

GUARD YOUR EMAIL If you insist on using email, consider getting an account dedicated solely to your online dating activities. You can safely use web-based email. Such accounts are available at hotmail.com or through Yahoo!

DON'T REVEAL DATA Be careful about the information you give in casual conversation. An offhand reference to your neighborhood, a school experience, a job location, or a vacation can reveal more than you intend to divulge.

BE HONEST And expect honesty from your online other. Use the anonymity of the Internet to find out about each others' past experiences with intimacy. You can learn a lot by sharing your feelings and your attitude toward commitment. If you're using a dedicated email, be honest about that, too.

BEWARE OF HIGH EXPECTATIONS Sharing feelings across the Internet will accelerate your sense of intimacy, and you will be tempted to build a mental image of the other. Ask yourself: How would I feel about the other building an image of me? Talk about your expectations about the direction of the online relationship.

DEVELOP COMMON ACTIVITIES Make dates with each other to share activities, like playing online games or sharing a forum. Talk about how long you expect to communicate online before meeting.

DON'T FAKE YOUR PHOTO If you decide to swap pictures, send a current picture which is flattering, but doesn't hide or distort your true appearance. Misleading pictures are probably the leading cause of disappointments in relationships that start on the Internet.

MEET IN PUBLIC PLACES If and when you decide to meet in real life, arrange to meet in public where you will be comfortable over coffee or a casual meal. Be prepared if the meeting proves disappointing. But remember, if you've followed these rules, the least you have is someone with whom you can communicate very well.